Category Archives: Uncategorized

Karaoke on Sunday nights at the Cove in Williamsburg. Don’t do it. Everyone is 21, everyone is straight, everyone is singing songs recorded by artists who STRIVE to sound like Miley Cyrus. The type of people, as my friend Bryn … Continue reading →

Taking someone’s virginity is really intense. Not that I’ve ever done it (lie), but so I hear. I think someone took mine once, and it was a really emotional experience. Suddenly a door opens to a whole new world, one … Continue reading →

Today my to do list read as follows: 1. pay Con Ed 2. make dentist appointment 3. make doctor appointment 4. send the IRS $1017.00 (boring story not worth going into) 5. buy eco-friendly cleaning products, clean the fuck out … Continue reading →

It’s okay. Sometimes you will try a song, and it doesn’t go as well as you might have liked (understatement). It sort of makes you want to curl into a ball and cry, or never sing karaoke again, or just … Continue reading →

A few weeks ago, I went to sing karaoke at Naps, a neighborhood bar housing a small, ponytailed male bartender with a sweet, anus-like face, wall-to-wall Christmas lights, kitschy knick knacks, dusty bottles of booze that no one would ever … Continue reading →

1. Never underestimate the awkwardness off a lengthy instrumental break. Figure out a way to feign some semblance of comfort as you sway in place or something. Under no circumstances can you stand still, stomp your foot, clap your hands, … Continue reading →

Karaoke staples. You need to have them– a few old faithfuls you can always rely on when you’re feeling a bit unsure and are faced with an intimidating or foreign crowd. It’s important to become intimately acquainted with a small … Continue reading →

It’s a scientific fact that people who are dismissive of karaoke have never done it themselves. I understand why it has this stigma– much like roller-skating or darts, it sounds like something that should be fun but just isn’t. There’s … Continue reading →

Duets. I’m not referencing the mediocre/genius Gwyneth Paltrow movie from 2000. I’m talking about karaoke duets. This is a complicated subject to broach. There are few songs that work well as karaoke duets, because you’re contending with two people instead … Continue reading →

In the summer of 2006, my friend Homa came to stay with me for a little while. I’d just been dumped, and I was a wreck– sniveling and sobbing up a storm. We sat in front of my computer, and … Continue reading →